Prophet Mohammed's (Peace Be Upon Me) Top Ten Prophecies for 2008

Well, 2007 has been a very good year for Muslims ie plenty of death, torture, persecution of the weak and threats of total annihilation for anybody who doesn't follow the teachings of the dark side...Just what the Quran ordered.

Muslims this year have actually killed far more of their fellow Muslims than Infidels. The Muslim:Muslim kill ratio currently stands at 8.4 on the Kalashnikov scale and is up for the 7th year running. If the current upward trend continues we should see a welcome solution to the Muslim problem by about 2175AD - Any ideas to speed up the process will be gratefully accepted.

Anyway, back to the important stuff, me... prophesising is an important part of my job as a prophet, so to avoid being relieved of my duties as Allah's favourite prophet I thought I'd make a few prophecies about what's in store for 2008. So here goes...

Prophet Mohammed's (Peace Be Upon Me) Top Ten Prophecies for 2008.

1. Muslims will be responsible for between 99-100% of all acts of terrorism.

2. Muslim 'men' will treat their women as second class citizens.

3. No teacher in Sudan will name a teddy bear 'Mohammed'.

4. Evolution will continue to bypass Islamic countries.

5. Racial and religious hatred will continue to be openly preached in most UK (insert your own country) mosques.

6. George Galloway, Part time MP and ex holder of the Turban of Death, will still be corrupt and will continue to carry out the orders of his Muslim masters.

7. The Quran will still be the best value toilet paper money can buy.

8. Pakistan will 'elect' a leader who'll end up with several very large Swiss bank accounts.

9. The vast majority of Muslims will still be living in abject poverty.

10. All Muslims will still be living in the 7th Century.

10a. Allah still won't exist.

10b. Secretary General of the Islamonazi Council of Britain, Dr Muhammad Abdul Bari, will still openly support wife beating, stoning women, forced marriages (but only for girls over the age of 9) and a total ban on bikinis and alchohol (unless it's in the privacy of Dr Bari's own S&M bed 'chamber').

10c. It will still be a crime to get raped in most Islamic countries.

10d. Palestinians will do everything in their power to avoid the establishment of a Palestinian state and the resulting chaos, death, murder and corruption that would inevitibly follow - Much easier to keep the status quo and carry on blaming Israel for everything.

10e. Muslims will still be incapable of creating an effigy to burn that looks even remotely like the person they'd like to dismember with a rusty sword.

On behalf of Allah and myself I'd like to wish
everybody (including Infidels) a happy and peaceful 2008.

and remember... Above all else, the Devil cannot stand to be mocked.

U.K. Muslim Terrorist Shortage Averted

Britain's 'Muslim friendly' parliamentarians yesterday breathed a huge sigh of relief when they finally succeeded in importing 3 Islamic terrorists from Guantanamo Bay to help replenish the U.K.'s depleted stock. The severe lack of attempted Islamic terrorist atrocities since the failed London and Glasgow bombings in July, led many U.K. policiticians to become concerned that Britain was no longer seen as a safe haven for mad Muslims hell bent on murdering its citizens.

'We must send out the right message' said PM Gordon Brown.

Although none of the terrorists are actually British and none of them even have a right to be here, PM Brown is allowing them to stay on the basis that they once visited this country before going on 'holiday' to that popular (with 'disaffected' Muslim 'men') tourist destination called the Afghanistan War Zone. An Amnesty International spokesperson stated that the 3 terrorists, armed only with a camera (plus a small kalashnikov and several anti-tank RPGs), were inexplicably detained by U.S. forces whilst doing what any Muslim holidaymaker in Afghanistan would do ie trying to kill anybody not wearing a 12" beard or a Niqab.

The 3 Muslim meglomaniacs, Omar Deghayes, Jamil el-Banna and Abdenour Samuer, are now free to roam Britain's streets. Their lawyer, Clive 'I Love Legal Aid' Stafford-Smith, stated 'The human rights of my clients must be respected at all times. They must never be arrested until they have actually carried out the mass murder of civilians that they may, or may not, be planning. To hold somebody against their will purely on the basis that hundreds or thousands of innocent lives will almost certainly be saved is disgraceful'.

Shami Chakrabati, Director of the terrorist defence organisation Liberty, was said to be licking her lips on hearing the terrorists' human rights were bought at the potential expense of innocent blood, once again, flowing freely through Britain's streets.

Well I'll Be Buggered!

On the day when my 'Justice for the Sudan 1' campaign forced the IslamoNazi government of Sudan to release schoolteacher Gillian Gibbons, I am now in a position to shed some light on a 50 year old enigma.

If you've ever wondered why 1.5 billion Muslims, with all their military might, have never been able to shift a few million Jews from Israel then wonder no more!

It's long been known that imams use Pakistan's 20,000 Madrassas as places to groom young boys for underage sex (see pic above for proof) but now it has come to light that Muslim warlords also have an unhealthy desire to bugger young boys. At a time when you'd expect them to be planning decisive military campaigns against the Infidel, most Muslim warlords are far too busy dressing up young boys to look like girls. After a few dances to the Tweets' Birdy Song the children are then routinely sexually assaulted by the heroic Muslim Fighters.

Known as bacha bereesh (boys without beards) they are highly prized in many parts of the Islamic world. Enayatullah, a 42 year old landowner said "I was married to a woman 20 years ago, she left me because of my boy," he said. "I was playing with my boy every night and was away from home, eventually my wife decided to leave me. I am happy with my decision, because I am used to sleeping and entertaining with my young boy."

When asked about this disgusting and abusive 'tradition', a spokeperson for the Muslim Council of Britain refused to condemn the practice stating "Don't knock it until you've tried it".