Barbecued Muslim Leaves Earth

Well, Paradise has another mouth to feed tonight after failed terrorist, Kafeel Ahmed, died in hospital from the injuries he received whilst being a very naughty Muslim at Glasgow airport.

There was, however, one very happy lady tonight and that was Layla, AKA virgin number 1 (of 72). Layla, one of Paradise's most experienced virgins, was considered a bit of a beauty in her day. Time may not have been too kind to her but she is still considered to be excellent value for money. As Layla pointed out..."It's not easy working as a virgin in Paradise as almost all of my clients have several major body parts missing. That's why I can't wait to 'welcome' Kafeel...he may have the skin texture of BBQ'd pig but at least he'll be able to make his own breakfast in the morning!".

Layla's caring nature has made her one of Allah's favourite virgins. After 38 years of attentive service beyond the call of duty, Layla only has another 1,253 suicide bombers to satisfy before she is due for automatic retirement.

Planes, Flames and Naughty M.P.s

Well it's been a funny few weeks for Muslims. First they try to blow up hundreds of people in London for taking part in the un-Islamic activity of having fun...and then they try to scare everybody to death at Glasgow airport by setting fire to themselves. These people really are stupid...didn't they realise if they'd have done it on November 5th they could have raised loads of money by having a 'Penny for the Guy' collection!

It's over 100 degrees, the sun's beating down and you're in Iran....Yes, it must be time to send the Religious Police out to make sure that all women are covered from head to toe in black. And all because Muslim men can't control their sexual urges. Who ever said Islam was a backward religion that discriminates against women?

And now for the feel-good factor.... Part time M.P. and ex-holder of the coveted 'Turban of Death' award, George Galloway, has been found guilty (again) of stealing money from the Iraqi 'oil for food' programme by yet another independent investigation. The embarrassing bully boy of British politics looked guiltier than a Muslim attending Alchoholics Anonymous as he launched into a desperate attack on those that exposed him. Although the corrupt M.P. cannot produce any accounts for his 'Mariam Appeal' to prove he isn't a thief, he is adamant he has nothing to hide! "My dog ate them one evening whilst I was watching re-runs of Celebrity Big Brother" ...said the socialist millionaire.