Mental Healthcare - Islamic Style

Whilst we in the West spend billions of pounds every year attempting to understand and treat the mentally ill, Muslims have used the Koran to find a far cheaper, and more effective, way of dealing with the situation.

This morning, tolerant and peaceloving followers of the death cult known as Islam unveilled their cunning plan when they forced two mentally ill women to strap explosives around their bodies and walk into a Baghdad market place full of their fellow Muslims. When a large enough crowd had gathered, a brave Muslim 'man' (hiding around the corner behind another woman) detonated the explosives.

More than 70 men, women and children were killed in this Koran inspired medical operation.

This is a worrying development for Iraq as the Muslim tradition of marrying close relatives has always produced large numbers of mentally deficient followers of the Satanic death cult.

Spot The Terrorist

Whilst most people go to the New Forest in Hampshire for a relaxing day out or a spot of camping, Muslims have now found a use for it worthy of their 'peaceful and tolerant' religion. Forget the bandit territory on the Afghan/Pakistan border, the New Forest is now the Official Preferred Terrorist Training Camp for all UK Muslims.

A 2 week Terror Training Package (half board with ammo included) costs as little as 2 days' dole money. This was far too good an opportunity to miss for several young dysfunctional Muslims., most of whom were bearded and all of whom were extremely ugly and socially inept. The only chance they'd ever get to have sex with a woman would be to blow themselves up, taking as many innocent people as possible with them, and receive the gratitude of Allah's 72 imaginary virgins.

Mousa Brown, 41, of Walthamstow, east London; Kibley da Costa, 24, of West Norwood, south-east London; Mohammed Al-Figari, 42, of Tottenham, north London, and Kader Ahmed, 20, of Plaistow, east London all put their faith in the hands of Virgin Leader Mohammed Hamid, 50...Now they all face long prison sentences where they will all almost certainly lose their virginity - although not quite as they had intended.

Anybody wishing to book an action-packed New Forest Terror Training Package should contact the new UK agent for Death Holidays at the following email georgegallowaydotcom@gmail.com

Barbecued Muslim Leaves Earth

Well, Paradise has another mouth to feed tonight after failed terrorist, Kafeel Ahmed, died in hospital from the injuries he received whilst being a very naughty Muslim at Glasgow airport.

There was, however, one very happy lady tonight and that was Layla, AKA virgin number 1 (of 72). Layla, one of Paradise's most experienced virgins, was considered a bit of a beauty in her day. Time may not have been too kind to her but she is still considered to be excellent value for money. As Layla pointed out..."It's not easy working as a virgin in Paradise as almost all of my clients have several major body parts missing. That's why I can't wait to 'welcome' Kafeel...he may have the skin texture of BBQ'd pig but at least he'll be able to make his own breakfast in the morning!".

Layla's caring nature has made her one of Allah's favourite virgins. After 38 years of attentive service beyond the call of duty, Layla only has another 1,253 suicide bombers to satisfy before she is due for automatic retirement.

Planes, Flames and Naughty M.P.s

Well it's been a funny few weeks for Muslims. First they try to blow up hundreds of people in London for taking part in the un-Islamic activity of having fun...and then they try to scare everybody to death at Glasgow airport by setting fire to themselves. These people really are stupid...didn't they realise if they'd have done it on November 5th they could have raised loads of money by having a 'Penny for the Guy' collection!

It's over 100 degrees, the sun's beating down and you're in Iran....Yes, it must be time to send the Religious Police out to make sure that all women are covered from head to toe in black. And all because Muslim men can't control their sexual urges. Who ever said Islam was a backward religion that discriminates against women?

And now for the feel-good factor.... Part time M.P. and ex-holder of the coveted 'Turban of Death' award, George Galloway, has been found guilty (again) of stealing money from the Iraqi 'oil for food' programme by yet another independent investigation. The embarrassing bully boy of British politics looked guiltier than a Muslim attending Alchoholics Anonymous as he launched into a desperate attack on those that exposed him. Although the corrupt M.P. cannot produce any accounts for his 'Mariam Appeal' to prove he isn't a thief, he is adamant he has nothing to hide! "My dog ate them one evening whilst I was watching re-runs of Celebrity Big Brother" ...said the socialist millionaire.